New Year

We are sitting at my in-laws house today waiting for the new year, and I can hear Charlie yelling and laughing about football with his brothers. I've been trying to think of what I want this year, and who I want to be a year from now. Obviously if I could pick I would say all I want is a baby. I want to be a mom and to give Charlie a family. But I can't control that.

One thing that I have learned about infertility is that is steals away the present moment. So many times I have been in a room full of family and felt lonely. I've been to lunch with my best friend and felt like my life didn't measure up. I've looked at the little family I do have and thought this isn't a family at all, a family has kids. So many moments in 2016 have been so happy and so perfect just the way they were, but infertility has made me miss those moments while wishing for something more.

Of course if 2017 brought us a baby it would be the best year of my life. But if it doesn't there will still be so many good moments, full of my perfectly complete two person family. And I don't want to miss those moments. I want to let them fill me up and give me hope and joy. So my only resolution for 2017 is to beat infertility by loving what I already have, because it is perfect.